“Help each other with your troubles. When you do this, you are obeying the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 ERV
“Love + help. Helping your partner is an expression of deep love.”
27 years ago [June 16, 1986] was the beginning of my journey with my wife Britta. We met a month ago but on the 16th, that was the official day of “falling in love”. It was a day of unspeakable joy and enormous release of excitement that changes my life forever. Ours is a story most common to man – typical boy meets girl kinda’ thing. It started with a “like” and then got upgraded to “love”. We first met in my little hometown called Merida. A very small town in the Leyte Island, Philippines where I was raised. I am a “province boy” and she was a “city girl” from another island called Cebu. She actually lived in Mandaue City, one of the active city in the Cebu island. She was there in my hometown just visiting relatives because her father was from my place also. Right from the start, my chances of “acquiring” her was already high because her father knows my family and even a close friend of my mother.
In our culture, we marry someone for life. Also we don’t marry just one person, we marry the whole family including pets if they have one. Of course not all marriages are like that but more or less, when you say “I Do”, it is a lifetime commitment and no expiration nor a fine print that you can return them if disagreement exists in x number of years.
We fall in love so quickly. Our relationship was growing strong like a well watered plant. We talked for hours on the phone even after a whole day of spending time with each other. We met regularly at Gaisano Metro card section at 1pm every Saturday and she was always 30 minutes late. There were no cellphones at that time and I have to use a pay phone or someone else’s home phone to talk to her. To me, talking to her on the phone is like launching a space shuttle … it was a big effort but I usually find ways to get in touch with her.
At the beginning, I know this was the girl for me. I had a few relationships before her but I had to make a difficult decision. I know in my heart that I’ve hurt someone when I decided to get serious with this girl but I did not care at that time. To me, “owning” this person was the objective. Looking back now, I’ve realized that I’ve handle the situation in a manner not up to a high standard. My deep apology to those I’ve offended. I will find you someday and explain to you everything.
27 years of being together does not guarantee a lasting relationship. I think we just started on Phase 2. We all know that there are couples who had been with each other for 50 years and yet separates due to some undisclosed/unknown reasons.
My marriage is not perfect at all. We fight, we argue, we ignore each other sometimes. “I want this” “You don’t listen to me”. “Why do you have to go to the mall every week?”. “Why your decision always get carried out?”
Even now, my wife is on vacation without me. There are no more 4 hours of phone talk. Even if we have FaceTime at our disposal to connect face to face, we can only last at most 5 minutes max.
Did we lost traction in our relationship? Are we falling out of love? Are we going to split up one day? Have we forgotten the great memories we had during the first 2 years? Does the excitement to see each other forever gone?
I don’t expect those things to happen in my marriage. I know that there is season for everything. We have kids now, we have greater responsibilities. We have a different schedule therefore it produces different sleep patterns and then produces an non synchronized mood. I’m tired and she just woke up and ready for work. Her being in night shift created a change to each others emotion.
Overall, I’m not concerned at all because I know that our relationship was not built overnight. Our relationship was built with joy and sorrows altogether for years and going through those tearful moments of desperation build inner trust that is hard to disassemble and forget. We might be silent for most of the time, we might be showing an act of “unloving” and “uncaring” but I know that we don’t mean it so deeply that we will end up a decision one day to forget each other forever.
Back to my point on today’s verse that “we ought to help each other with our troubles”. I think relationships specially marriage should be centered on that idea.
Are you helping your wife?
Are you doing things to help your husband/wife?
Does your hobbies contribute to the well being of you partner?
Does your crazy shopping build your relationship stronger?
Does your spending time with friends help your husband/wife?
Does your partying with friends without your spouse build your relationship?
Does your mindless tv watching all day help your partner?
Does your drinking helps your wife/husband?
Does your chatting/ flirting helps your marriage?
Does your abusive words helps to strengthen your bond?
Does your questioning of judgment helps the other person feels freedom and respect?
Does your obsession on something builds your marriage?
Does your nagging helps?
When we began a relationship with someone, we always start with “I like you”. Then in a few months, the closeness develops into something called love and so we say “I love you”. But love does not carry us forever. We can say “I love you” daily and not helping our partner physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually – the result will not be pleasant. We need more than the word “love” . Couple part ways not because they fall out of love, they separate because one becomes a burden – instead of a helper. Always creating problems instead of solutions.
A helper on what? On everything! On anything!
Be a helper and not just a lover. Love is an action word.
See it at YouVersion.com:
http://bible.us/406/gal.6.2.erv
