I would like to share the following simple formula to deal with anxiety from Steven Stosny’s youtube presentation. View the presentation here. It’s not magic! It’s somewhat mathematical. I took time taking notes because I really wanted to find out what is the true formula for anxiety [if there is]. I’ve been dealing with anxiety for a while now and for some reason, anxiety is always present in life no matter what the event or situation is. Lately, I’ve been helping someone coping with a tragic event in life and I have no positive words to say because I have no idea on how to handle the situation [at first]. All I have was empathy, the “I’m with you stuff”. Later on, I’ve found out the it was all “powerlessness” – “I do not know what to do”… which produces the anxiety.
I was skeptic at first about the formula but then when I synthesized his theory, plugged in some examples and number – the formula started to make sense. I challenged you to test the formula and see if it has merits in your situation. Here’s how I made the formula works for me.
Formula of Anxiety
Anxiety = Importance x Uncertainty x Powerlessness
Let:
Anxiety = 1000 [at the highest level]
Importance = 0-10 [0 at the lowest value]
Uncertainty = 0-10
Powerlessness = 0-10
Anxiety = 10 x 10 x 10
“If any of the variables – Importance, Uncertainty and Powerlessness is close to zero or equal to zero, the value of anxiety becomes irrelevant.”
Examples:
#1-My heart attack at age 42 [2008], “I might die”
Importance = 10
Uncertainty = 10
Powerlessness = 0, I can ride my bike for 5 hours on every weekend.
Anxiety = 0
#2-Subsurface swim – a 25 yards underwater swim with one breath at the end, “I might drown”
Importance = 10
Uncertainty = 10
Powerlessness = 0, I can do the routines over and over as a warm up of my long distance swim workout
Anxiety = 0
#3-50-Mile Bike Safety – “I might die being hit by a car while cycling”
Importance = 1, if I die, my wife and kids will get my life insurance plus they can enjoy my 401k without penalty.
Uncertainty = 10
Powerlessness = 1, I’ve been cycling for >10 years and I know what to do in the road.
Anxiety = 10
#4-My retirement money invested in one fund only and JAGLX will lose value overtime, “I might lose all my retirement funds”
Importance = 10
Uncertainty = 2, if the market crashes, all stocks will go down as well. The market trend is always trending upward since the beginning of the financial market. Market Index Chart
Powerlessness = 10, I have no control of the stock market. If I hide my money under my bed, it will not grow.
Anxiety = 200
#5-I’m overwhelmed at work with so many projects and not much time to work on, “I might lose my job”
Importance = 10
Uncertainty = 2
Powerlessness = 1, I know what to do, I just need to spend more time on every project and task.
Anxiety = 20
#6-My marriage is emotionless and dry, “I’m worried that the 25 years of marriage will eventually fail”
Importance = 0, it’s not important, I know my “core values” by heart. I’ll deal with it when I get in the water.
Uncertainty = 10
Powerlessness = 10
Anxiety = 0
Enjoy!
ra
Notes from the video:
Anxiety
1. They are not reality
2. They are signals about a “possible reality”
3. They are calibrated to give “false positive”
General Rules:
1. Check out the alarm
2. Don’t assume that it is accurate
3. It only signals “caution” – not danger
| Anxiety |
Fear |
| Possible change that may cause unpleasantness, failure, or loss |
Possibility of harm |
| About your capabilities, skills, talent, lovability |
Danger in environment |
| Mental-largely in your head |
Visceral-felt in the body |
| Entirely self-regulated, you have control |
Involuntary-hard to regulate |
| Inaccurate-rest in possibility rather than probability |
Fairly accurate |
3 Types of Anxiety
1. Temperamental – emotional tone
2. Situational – particular situation, example: test or public speaking
3. Symptomatic – of something else. example: depletion of physical resources such as being tired, hungry or sick, emotional disorder, stress
Characteristics of Anxiety
1. Scanning – difficult to focus, you are panning the horizon, taking lots of information.
2. Thought racing – unrealistic, antidote is writing down what you are thinking to slow down your thoughts
3. Self-consciousness – “I might be judged”; “they are looking at me”
4. Vigilance – judging others, looking for negatives
Anxiety – is the first level of alarm
Fear – the major level of alarm
Beneficial Anxiety
1. A signal for caution: “be careful”
2. Self acceptance – too self critical
3. Self Care – need to sleep, need to eat well, need to exercise, need to practice self compassion
4. Relationship repair
Problem Anxiety
1. All signals mean that something bad will happen:
2. I won’t be able to cope with it
3. The cost of coping will be too great
Anxiety Plus Impulse Control
1. anxious people are controlling
2. try to avoid feeling of “out of control”
3. attempting to regulate anxiety by trying to get the environment stimulating
4. external regulation of emotion never works –> it increases vigilance
Anxiety and Blame = Anger and Resentment
Something bad will happen and it is your fault
Blame temporarily empowers against anxiety with amphetamine – stimulant [adrenalin or cortisol]
Blame kills = chronic resentment = powerlessness = life sucks = depression [delete blaming entirely in your life]
Regulating Anxiety
1. Ask yourself how important is it?
2. How relevant is it to my core values? Happiness, Joy, Peace
3. How important is it to my growth? Happiness?
4. Reduce the “unknowns” by learning more.
5. Understand other perspectives.
6. Increase the ability to cope by developing contingency plans.
7. Decide what to do at worst case scenario.
Regulating the urge to control anxiety
Control is within you
1. Resiliency
2. Adaptability
3. Tolerance
4. Problem solving
5. Core values
Anxiety and Core Values; Focus on Core Values
1. What is most important to you?
2. What you most wanted to build?
3. What value you most wanted to create in life?
4. What you most appreciate?
Soothing Anxiety
1. Self-consciousness – focus on small positive qualities of others [smile]
2. Vigilance – appreciate the core values of other people [notice them]
3. Impulse to scan – focus on details [mindfulness]
4. Slow down thought racing – give an anxious thought an answer that mobilizes solution and improvement
5. Recognize that unpleasant feelings are temporary
6. Recognize that pain and unpleasant emotions are major organizers of recall [what we remembers]
”when you are in pain, you cannot recall ever not having been in pain”
pain = memory of pain
state dependent recall – we can only remember the state we are in when we are in pain
when anxious, you can’t recall a different emotional state/pain
recognizing this trick of memory regulates anxiety
anxious thought – I’ve always felt bad and always will
regulation – this bad feeling will pass, they can’t last
train your brain a new habit to regulate emotion
convert possibility thinking to probability action
anxiety is about possibility – something bad might happen
how likely it is to happen?
it requires analysis – slows down racing thoughts – enhances focus – regulates anxiety
”the roof might cave in – possible but not likely
When possibility is assessed
1. Plan what to do to improve / repair
2. Ask – did it happen
Living with temperamental anxiety
1. Understand – most anxiety is metabolic without a psychological meaning
2. Accept – certain level of anxiety is insignificant
3. Nurture –reassure yourself, take care of yourself
Living with an anxious person
1. We are attracted to opposite temperament
2. Lower your anxiety by promoting focus and reduce scanning
3. Show compassion – no malicious intent
4. Compassion lower anxiety
5. Criticism raises anxiety
How to increase anxiety?
1. View each other as opponent
2. Blame each other
3. Criticize
How to lower anxiety
1. View each other as friends and teammates
2. Comfort each other
3. Encourage and reassure
Anxiety and Depression
1. Difficult to know which is primary
2. Anxiety consumes energy – depletes energy
3. Coping capacity – can feel like depression
4. Depression reduces confidence and perceived ability to cope – making you vulnerable – overwhelmed – anxious and then powerless
Anxiety – hyper
Depression – hypo
If anxious / depressed
1. Get a physical exam
2. Walk 30 minutes a day
3. Create value
Anxiety / Depression [Don’ts/Do]
1. Never focus on how bad you feel on how justified you are in feeling bad
2. Never justify the feeling – you have the right to it.
3. Choose between justifying and changing it
4. Never think that emotional validation is a need – no – you don’t need emotional validation. ”You don’t have to validate the smoke alarm, you have to put out the fire”.
5. Focus on what you need to do to get better
6. Become the person you most want to be
7. Staying true to your deepest value
8. Self-care
9. Core value – is the way to regulate Related post: Core Value
10. Reassure self and loved one.
