Weapon of “DOUBT”

And he shall be like a tree firmly planted [and tended] by the streams of water, ready to bring forth its fruit in its season; its leaf also shall not fade or wither; and everything he does shall prosper [and come to maturity]. Psalm 1:3

“Doubt-The state of being unsure of something”

Sometimes discouragement comes to us like a brick wall in front of us and we feel that there is no other way to keep going but stop and quit and the temptation to give up everything is so overwhelming that we are compelled and so convinced that it is time to raise the white flag and say – I cannot go on anymore. I made the wrong choice, I made the wrong step of getting into this journey. Sometimes it feels like giving up is the only right option. The things that I’m doing is not working. My life is not going anywhere. This is not for me. Our faith as a Christian is like that. We took courage and go to a deeper commitment and found what the true belief really is like but along the journey, we encounter hardships and obstacles and then all our momentum is held up and sometimes grounded and the word – “TURN AROUND” is all over where we are going. We encounter road blocks after road blocks and many people on the road are cheering for us to keep going but our heart and mind is yelling a different phrase. It is whispering to our mind to just give up, take the easy route home. Our emotion is saying to us – enough, you’ve done your part, good and faithful servant.

How do you survive when discouragement strikes the deepest of your heart? You still have the courage to go on but it is fading. What to do? Abandon ship? Turn around?

In 2007, I’ve learned the greatest lesson about courage and commitment in the form of a physical activity. I did not realize then that there was a spiritual aspect injected to what I was doing in the activity and even to this day I am truly amazed of what I’ve done and accomplished. In 2006, I took up long distance swimming. The goal was to swim 2.4miles non-stop in under 1hour and 20 minutes. I set my mind into it and started training. My first day at the pool was the most difficult. I was a swimmer already since childhood and I know that I can float but I have not intentionally swim a 25yard distance ever in my life. I gave it a try and to my amazement, I did barely reached the other end of the 25yard pool. I was out of breath and struggling. I paused for a moment and tried again and the results were the same. I cannot swim more than 25 yards. In my mind, the goal was 2.4 miles and the truth was – I can only do 25 yards. I put my mind to the training, I read books, I studied swimming videos, I practiced regularly. By the end of the 3-month period, I was already a swimmer. Then the true test of being a swimmer came. In Austin, there was a scheduled 5K Swim [5 kilometer or 3Mile Swim] in the lake. I was hesitant at first but then I told myself that even though I have not done any swim race at all, I will be ok since I’ve trained for months already doing a 2k comfortably. After 12 months of just barely learning how to swim there I was at the Mansfield Dam with the elite swimmers in Austin. I told myself that this is no biggie and I just have to imagine it like a training session. The swim race of 3Miles is divided into 3 laps. We have to go around the loop 3 times and then exit the water. The first lap was easy, I was pacing myself and conserving energy but when I passed the first loop, things changed, my energy was depleted. My breathing was a little bit difficult and my arms and legs were tired and exhausted and no more strength. The lake that we were swimming were so deep and close to a dam and I started imagining that if I lose consciousness and pass out, I will sink to the very bottom of the lake for the first 24 hours and then my body will float the next day near the dam. The enjoyable swim race that I entered became a nightmare of survival. How am I going to get out of this lake with honor. I know I can just tell the race organizer to let me in to their kayak and say “I cannot go on anymore”. At times It was so tempting to just give up and grab the race barrier and call for help. I stopped swimming for a few minutes and then I looked around and I saw the finish line at a distance – judging from my current location, I can tell I was still halfway of the race. But during that “quick moment of pause”, I allowed myself to think, to look up the final destination and assessed where I was and out of the blue, I received the strength to go on once again and finished the race. To my astonishment, there were still people behind me a few minutes later also struggling to reach the finish line. I finished the 3 Mile swim in 2 hours and went home thinking “I’ve accomplished something”.

It’s been 5 years now since my first race and although they cancelled the 5k swim race, I still intentionally do a 2.4 mile race swim from time to time. Every week, I trained for a short 1k swim regularly non-stop and I always look back on the first day I did my 25 yard swim. It seems so impossible during that moment but not anymore, long distance swimming became a part of my life.

Going back to the subject of discouragement, I’ve discovered that courage is not enough. Yes we can say I can handle this journey, I can handle this task, I can handle this vocation, I can handle this ministry, I can handle this life that I choose. It is so easy to say that yes, I’ve done my part in prayer and soul searching and I’m ready to take on anything in life. I have a ‘go signal’ from the King of Kings. I’ve received the whisper of the Holy Spirit to take the first step. I was told to take this route. I’ve been trained. I’ve prepared for this battle and I know that I am ready. In reality, yes they are true. But the will and the sovereignty of God does not work that way. God’s way – He only shows the beginning and the end. He seldom supplies the details of the journey – the in-between. The journey is for us to execute. The journey of life is for us to figure out.

When I experience discouragement and most of the time it’s always there, I normally just tell myself that I know the reason of my existence and for whatever is the outcome of any obstacle I know that I am anticipating of crossing the finish line no matter what. That mindset in not just courage but also commitment –”a sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose”

I am committed to finish what God had started in my life. Whatever it is, He said, He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end and besides He promised– IT IS FINISHED!

Stop. Pause. But never give up!

Lastly, Be encourage. If you think no one is cheering for you. Always remember that I am here at all times praying for you. Do the same for me as I need your prayer also. When we launch a great offensive to the enemy territory, we are always in constant battle of discouragement. The greatest weapon the enemy uses is DOUBT.