NOTES: Full Cup: Chapter 3-Filling Up

Book-Full Cup Thirsty Spirit
Author-Karen Horneffer-Ginter
ISBN-978-1401939939
Pages: 224
Chapters: 6

115	Nourish our spiritual being through rest and reflection produces greater balance.
116	Emotional and physical health is as important as the spiritual.
117	Basics of emotional/physical health often times neglected.
118	Self care is essential to being healthy – body, mind, spirit
119	Don’t ignore the very basics of human needs
120	If we are hungry, we take in food
121	If we are tired, we go to sleep
122	If we need to dispose waste, we go to the bathroom
123	There is a simple relationship between what the body needs and how the body responds, ignoring those needs are not being wise
124	As we become older, we tend to ignore or able to tolerate such needs [peer pressure or just merely the drive to succeed]
125	Are you a blackbelt in ignoring your needs?
126	When your body request downtime, do you drink coffee instead?
127	We have the mindset of work hard-play hard, do whatever it takes [with disregard to the self needs]
128	Hardwork and constant busyness are somehow the main theme in our endeavor.
129	We carry certain beliefs that we don’t need to take care of our self needs/care.
130	Sometimes avoiding self-care was a response to having a mother/father who had been extremely self-absorbed and inattentive and we want to do the opposite
131	Don’t wait for your "tank" to be in EMPTY, fill it up
132	What is the MOST essential now?
133	Dimensions of Life
134	1.Body
135	2. Mind/Heart
136	3. Spirit
137	4. Social Relationship
138	5. Work/Service/Finances
139	6. Home and Family
140	Stages of Change
141	1. Precontemplation (not intending to make a change)
142	2. Contemplation (intending to take action in the next six months)
143	3. Preparation (intending to take action in the next month)
144	4. Action (engaging in the new behavior)
145	5. Maintenance (sustaining the behavioral change over time)
146	Changes takes time. …

“ It’s useful to consider the image of a fuel gauge and to reflect on the place from which we operate in life. Is our tank usually more than halfway full, or do we tend to move through life at near empty? At what point do we tend to fill up, and how do we know when we get to this place? Of course, as we are humans, there is no yellow light that comes on to warn us when we only have 20 more miles in us. Instead, we have to figure out our own indications of when it’s time to fill up. “

“Todd came into counseling after his wife had moved out of the house and his already-present headaches worsened into migraines. It wasn’t until then that he saw how ignoring his
family life and his body was no longer an option. “I guess I got lost in my work, forgetting that other things in life need my attention as well. But this is how my dad was with the hours he worked—I guess I grew up thinking that this was required in order to be successful.”

“Jan came to recognize that, for her, avoiding self-care was a response to having a mother who had been extremely self-absorbed and inattentive in her parenting. “I think I just wanted to be the opposite of her. She was so much more concerned with her own activities and dating relationships
than us. God forbid that picking up her children might get in the way of getting her nails done. I think I’ve been concerned that if I take any time for myself, I might become like her.”

“Kim had made a similar decision in reaction to her husband’s behavior. “He takes so much time for his own hobbies from hunting to golfing to playing poker with the guys, it doesn’t leave any time for me. If I started to take time for myself, who would cook dinner? Who would help the kids with their homework? I’ve just surrendered to the situation because it’s not worth arguing about.”

“Both women needed to see that their choice not to take care of themselves as a reaction to someone else’s extreme behavior was really only hurting them. In Jan’s case, she began trusting
in her ability to balance self-care and caring for others as she came to see that there really wasn’t the slippery slope she had imagined. For Kim, it helped to strategize how she could talk with her husband about ways they could both carve out time to take care of themselves. In doing this, she needed to acknowledge and let go of her role as martyr. She had to question her assumptions that her husband had no interest in her well-being and that it was somehow her destiny to carry
the full load of family responsibilities. “

“Even when we follow the perfect formula for self-care—eating well, exercising, taking vitamins, spending time with friends, praying, thinking happy thoughts when possible—this doesn’t always mean we’ll perpetually reside in the upper quadrants of health.  The reality is that sometimes our best equations for health flow perfectly, and sometimes they fail miserably—it’s a reminder that none of us has complete control over our well-being. It helps to embrace a balanced view that we can do what we can, accepting that there will always be variables, known and unknown, that we can’t control or even understand. Even in its imperfection, it’s still worth doing what we can to maximize our health and vitality. “

PRACTICE:
1. Take some time to reflect on your beliefs and attitudes toward self-care.
2. Where did these beliefs come from?
3. Do these beliefs support you or hinder you?
4. Are there any that you want to revise?
5. What would it look like and feel like to deeply take care of yourself?
6. Imagine yourself living in and from this upper quadrant of health and vitality.
7. How can you find a balance between doing what you can to care for yourself and realizing we can’t always be successful at such attempts?
7. Consider the fuel gauge metaphor: At what point do you usually fill up by taking care of yourself?
8. How low can you safely let your fuel line get?
9. Has this changed over time?
10.What are the signs that you’ve reached this point?