Delay Tolerance (patience); Dream
August 5, 2013 Leave a comment
“You must be patient too. Never stop hoping. The Lord is coming soon.” James 5:8 ERV
“Patience-good natured tolerance of delay or incompetence”
“Hope-expect and wish; intend with some possibility of fulfillment”
Many years ago, a close friend of mine decided to separate from each other. I did not know when they separated at that time until he was always late in coming to work. He moved to a small town 50 miles away from our workplace . One time, he did not show up for work and a week later, he came in with a bandage on his head, he fell asleep on his way home after a 12-hr shift and flipped his car on the side of the road. He was fortunate enough that no car was behind him or it could have been a fatal accident. This guy is a very quite guy and won’t even open up his situation to me. After having spent time with him, he finally opened up his heart without my prying. He told me that he and his wife decided to get a divorce and that he was living with a new girlfriend from a small town 50 miles away (compared to his current home which was 12 miles away from our workplace). Our conversation was about 2 years late already but I tried to listen to him without judgment. They had 2 children about the same age as mine – all girls. They were married for 7 years already at the juncture. They had a very nice home and both of them worked at a good high tech company in Austin, TX. They were Asian from the same country and culturally there were no differences. Age gap was about 2 years, he was older. I’m not an inquisitive person but I am always curious why couples separate. So I asked a simple question as I always do to any type of failure investigation. I made it sound scientific to him to imply that I was not really prying too much about his situation. “What was the cause of failure?”, “Was it infidelity?, “Was it money?”
He told me that one day, they were arguing about a small thing and then from his mouth came out “do you want to separate?”. That moment, he decided to distance himself from her and then rented an apartment. Fast forward a few weeks, they started the dreadful paperwork. And to my amazement, I asked him loudly “that’s it?”. Yup, that was their separation. A simple out of place words being delivered at the wrong time and the wrong place.
It’s not rocket science to pinpoint the cause of failure of my friend’s failed marriage – tolerance for someone, impatience of the situation. He did not give the situation an extra few days, weeks, or years. He instantly decided to end the relationship. The consequences were very fatal, he lost his wife and 2 children, lost his house, had to pay a child support, had a fatal accident just because his patience ran out and then later he quit from our workplace for good. I will always remember him because our date of hire were the same. I just had my 15 years of service award from Samsung last month and I wonder what could have been the outcome if he only was extra tolerant of his situation.
The most common action when we are impatient of an event or a situation or a relationship or solving a problem is to use the TRIZ principle #2, Taking Out. It means to separate an interfering part from an object. Common examples are: amputate that leg, remove a bothersome tooth, arrest the criminal and put them in jail, replace a tire if it is flat, trade-in that malfunctioning car for a new one, divorce. Taking out principle is the “shotgun approach” of problem solving. Normally, if “taking out” is not carried out, the problem solving can take a long time to reach resolution. When I’m pressed for time, I am quick to using this principle but seldom I use this as my initial troubleshooting step. As normal human being, we love quick fixes and instant gratification. We normally resort to replacing the whole system because we don’t have time to deal with the current issue. We want an instant fix and so we press the “delete” button without calculating the enormous undesirable effect that follows from an instant and impulsive decision.
How do you get patience? Can I train my patience?
Yes, like doing repeated physical exercise, our mind can adapt to a new trait. Do some reading about “brain plasticity” in your spare time. Why don’t you start with your impulses, try to suppress it. Examples, “I would like to use the Internet now-Fb, twitter, read news etc”, tell yourself that you can’t for now. While driving, calm yourself down and don’t react to those aggressive drivers. While talking to your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend or child, try to listen more and hear them speak from the bottom of your heart. While worrying for a diagnosis, tell yourself that I will trust my doctors and God Almighty for my healing and not put too much emphasis of the “what ifs”. While going to college and you are confused and lost focus and direction, keep going no matter what even if your dreams are hazy and not even visibly possible. While at work, give yourself time to climb up the ladder by doing honest hard work and always waiting for your time to move up without stepping other people’s shoulder to get your glory. While alone, don’t pull your smartphone to read something or do something, instead open your eyes and ears and ask God to show you something you have not seen before.
Sometimes, a delay is there for our own benefit. Delay tolerance is patience. A daily dose can go along way to a better you and me.
Next time you are mad at someone, go tell them “Thank you for training my patience”.
Dream#1-A co-worker who lost her job a few months ago was in my mother’s home. She had one suitcase with ropes tied to it to secure the luggage safely. She was hired at a local company where my sister is currently working. I was wondering what she was doing there and was silently inquiring where she will be staying. I end up with a statement to her that she can stay in my room upstairs.
The only thing weird about this dream is I am here living in Texas and the dream happened in my hometown where I grow up in Merida, Leyte Philippines.
Hmmm, I love dreams.
Today is my last day of the 6-day vacation. I think I spent more time writing than anything else. Time to get back to work and fix technical/electronic/robotic problems. At least I know now what to do when I retire in 10 years-daily typing exercise using a smartphone.
See it at YouVersion.com: