Cure for Disagreement – “soft answer” plus Boundaries

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭15:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬
http://bible.com/59/pro.15.1.esv

There is an outbreak of “degraded family connection” in the entire world. We are surrounded with people who has relationship problems.  Sometimes I wonder what’s going on with the world?  Why now? What is the catalyst?  Is it the internet? Is it the social media?  Is the being away from God?  Is it the nation? Is it culture? Is it gender based?  Is it financial status?

Abundance of the heart
The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45

My daughter [23] was showing symptoms of decay in her speech and language and I have to give a 2-minute lecture regarding “good speech” last night.  She still lives with us because she is attending college and we are supporting her educational needs plus rent.  The roof that covers her bed is still from the construction of our original house – meaning, mom and dad still has 99.27% control of her life.  The money in her purse are still coming from mom and dad’s bank account. When she is startled or facing difficulties, my wife informed me that some “unnecessary words” automatically discharges from her mouth and the sound and the tone is not pleasant.  I have not experienced this phenomena with her maybe because I am normally in a peaceful mood most of the time or maybe I just don’t spend time with her.

This is my 2-minute lecture: [summarized version for brevity]
1. This discharges of unpleasant words are symptoms
2. I asked her if has personal problems, the answer is no.
3. I asked her why? I already know the answer – influence from the world.
4. How can you fix the unpleasant mouth? – It is a “heart” problem, the virtual heart and explained the meaning of Luke 6:45.  Any anger expression always comes from the heart.  When our heart is full of anger, it will manifest and comes out in our mouth or actions or expressions.
5. Why this unpleasant mouth pandemic important? Because of the following: It’s a habit and most habits are hard to get rid of when it takes a good foundation inside us.  “It is better to remove the tumor early” than deal with a full body cancer cells later.  When we are angry to the world, we carry the anger inside us and no matter where we are – at work, school, friends, spouse – we silently infect the relationship little by little with poison.  Kept uncheck – it becomes a disagreement then separation of the mind then physical separation.
5. What boundaries are involved when we are angry?  Mostly “emotional boundary”.  We hurt people and we violate their emotional boundaries.

The cure for disagreement is a “soft answer”.  The source of the “soft answer is from the heart.  Fix the heart. [feelings, emotions, views, perceptions etc].

 

Types of Boundaries [Article]
1. Material boundaries determine whether you give or lend things, such as your money, car, clothes, books, food, or toothbrush.

2. Physical boundaries pertain to your personal space, privacy, and body. Do you give a handshake or a hug – to whom and when? How do you feel about loud music, nudity, and locked doors?

3. Mental boundaries apply to your thoughts, values, and opinions. Are you easily suggestible? Do you know what you believe, and can you hold onto your opinions? Can you listen with an open mind to someone else’s opinion without becoming rigid? If you become highly emotional, argumentative, or defensive, you may have weak emotional boundaries.

4. Emotional boundaries distinguish separating your emotions and responsibility for them from someone else’s. It’s like an imaginary line or force field that separates you and others. Healthy boundaries prevent you from giving advice, blaming or accepting blame. They protect you from feeling guilty for someone else’s negative feelings or problems and taking others’ comments personally. High reactivity suggests weak emotional boundaries. Healthy emotional boundaries require clear internal boundaries – knowing your feelings and your responsibilities to yourself and others.

5. Sexual boundaries protect your comfort level with sexual touch and activity – what, where, when, and with whom.

6. Spiritual boundaries relate to your beliefs and experiences in connection with God or a higher power.