Strength of Valence: V=f(A x P)

After my 2.4mile swim today, I had two choices for recovery: Read/Study Powershell4.0 or Read a Psychology book.  The outcome is shown below.  Powershell can wait.  I’ll do it at work with actual examples.

Lately, I’ve been doing a research on how people starts a relationship and came across a book called Handbook of Relationship Initiation.  It’s a broad subject,  Chapter 1 is covering the model of romantic encounter [see flowchart below] and how the Is and the Os starts out a relationship.  I = being the initiator and O=being the Other/person being pursued.  I won’t elaborate more because I’m not an expert on the subject.  You can study the flowchart yourself and synthesize the process so that you can gain an upper hand in your pursuit of a relationship [success rate].  Please note and be forewarned that this flowchart is intended for “SINGLE” individuals “”only””- those who are seeking a fresh relationship.

If you are married or reserved in advance, stay away and read this article instead:  What Makes Romance So Romantic (and So Doomed)?  [Seltzer 2015] . I had been searching for an explanation of why people who were so romantic and crazy in love becomes the worst enemies later in the long term relationship. The article I mentioned explained the psychodynamics of romantic love and it’s transition to the stage of commitment and why the romantic well dries out.  I did not know that romance is just a temporary thing.  Enjoy it while it’s there.

Now I know! I’ll stop looking for answers from now on.

4 Stages of Relationship Initiation:
Stage 1:Appraisal of Initial Attraction
Stage 2:Decision to Make an Overture
Stage 3:Strategic Self-presentation
Stage 4:Build-up of Rapport

Handbook of Relationship Initiation
Author: Susan Sprecher
ISBN: 13-978-0805861600
Pages: 596
Chapters: 27

Salient-Having a quality that thrusts itself into attention; (heraldry) represented as leaping (rampant but leaning forward)
Attraction-The quality of arousing interest; being attractive or something that attracts
Overture-A tentative suggestion designed to elicit the reactions of others
Rapport-A relationship of mutual understanding or trust and agreement between people
Valence-(biology) a relative capacity to unite or react or interact as with antigens or a biological substrate;  (chemistry) a property of atoms or radicals; their combining power given in terms of the number of hydrogen atoms (or the equivalent)

Formula: Strength of Valence
V = f (A × P) p. 13
V=strength of the valence of making an overture
A=the individual’s attraction toward the other
P=the would-be initiator’s estimate of the probability that an overture will be accepted rather than rejected by the person; The probability of acceptance, in turn, is a joint function of the potential initiators’ perceptions of the other’s openness to their motives for affiliation and
their estimate of the likelihood the other will return their attraction

People may signal their interest in being approached, for example, p14
1. by how they orient to the person,
2. by their bodily posture,
3. by physical displays,
4. by establishing and maintaining eye contact, or
5. by smiling and moving closer or into a person’s line of sight

10 Process Steps – Successful Encounter:
1. “I” Salient Motive(s)
2. “I” Attraction (Fit between I’s Motives and O’s Attributes)
3. “I” High Attraction
4. “O’s” Perceived Attraction to I
5. “O” Perceived Openness to “I” motives
5. “I” and “O” Moderate to High Confidence of Acceptance
6. “I” Decide to Make an Overture
7. “I” and “O” High Confidence-Self-Expression
8. “I” and “O” Moderate Confidence-Strategic Self-Presentation
9. “I” and “O” Build-up of Rapport
10. “I” and “O” Encounter Successful

LEGEND
I = Initiator
O = Other (person being pursued)

The top five important qualities in relationship
1. mutual attraction and/or love,
2. emotional stability and/or maturity,
3. dependable character,
4. pleasing disposition, and
5. education and/or intelligence
Note: beauty/attractiveness is not here

QotD001: Close Friends 20180404
I don’t have a lot of friends in general but I do find an effort to make friends with someone I don’t know much.  Friendship is a relationship so the criteria for reciprocity must be there. Connections is also a must..but not just verbal or proximity but rather invisible forms such as likes, quietness index, reserve index (not too aggressive) and above all honest. In my list are these people. LF/PN/TN/AM/MW

QotD002: Broken a Heart 20180405
Everyone has a story to tell regarding this type of life event.  I want to mention the year it happened to be specific but I know that the audience perception will be different because I’m sure you have not existed yet, it’s not imaginable.  So let’s just say it happened long time ago.  After a heartbreak 1 (you have to learn the codes eventually and you will get it one way or another)…there was a long famine in the land, it will take years for the lack of no food and water and the heart becomes as hard as the rock.  Then one day, a person comes to life, crosses my pathway and then realize this might be the forthcoming event that I’ve been waiting for.  It all started with a gaze then a smile then a gaze then more smile and the next thing you know you are connected to each other in some invisible connection that you think life on earth is so beautiful and eternal.  As the year passes by and then more years came, the spark once we had together starts to fade and the connection started to loose it’s momentum…i wanted the other party to notice but the person is blinded by what we’ve shared together and ignored the warnings of a faded love…the other person continue on the long eroded connection. Then out of the blue, another person comes to life and became 3, then 4 etc.  By the time i realize that I am suppose to delete a few # before i can climb another mountain, i pretended that i did but in reality, they still existed.  It’s hard to imagine to discard a very precious gift at one moment in life because there was another one that came around. It was a horrible act and if ever I have to go through that path again, I’m sure I will choose a better way of handling the situation.  Even up to this day, no contact to 2.  But we grow up so quickly and learn to forget things, but not just so sure if the other party had forgotten.  I can’t change what happened but sure I’ve told this story to some so that one day at my funeral a person can look for 2 and say that I am truly sorry.