Event + Emotion un-Synchronization Day 0039

 

1. Grief is directly proportional to attachment/love.
2. Grief is our inner thoughts and feelings during our loss
3. Grief when we lost a valued possession
4. Grief is a spiritual transformation
5. Mourning is the outward expression of grief; grief gone public; putting emotion into motion. Notes (Depression of Grief)

It was a normal Saturday for me, I rode my bike indoors for 30 miles and watched a few movies while doing the exercise. I ate lunch right after and had another shot of espresso. My energy was still high so as my emotions and so I decided to work on the front/back yard. The grass needs mowing and so I put on my safety glasses, hearing protection and off to do the 2 hours yard work.

But strange things happened to me as I started working… SADNESS… and that I can never understood at first. I kept mowing the yard, finish the edging and then blowing the leftover grass. I took a shower and soaked myself in a hot tub for 30 minutes but then SADNESS overwhelmed me again. I then went to my office and read something technical/computer related and SADNESS will not go away. I ate dinner with Britta and she noticed my odd behavior but I did not explain much to her, I kept my verbal communication less. I went to bed at 2am (which is very unusual since I got back from RM249) and hoping that I will dream about Mom. I woke up this morning and still feeling a little sad but getting better and so I decided to dig deeper.

It was a Saturday, December 1, 2018 two days from my departure to Cebu that I mowed my yard last and I now remembered that I was so sad that morning thinking about Mom’s health and I am still days away from her. It was that day that I was caught speeding in Gattis School Rd because I was doing 54mph on a 45mph street. It was the "mowing activity" that invoked my SADNESS emotion and brought my whole feelings down. It was truly a sad day that Saturday.

 

Lesson Learned:

1. Respect sadness
2. Go through it
3. Execute #5, Mourning Phase
4. Sync reality + grief + sadness + loss to December 19, 2018 event
5. …